just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
