Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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