You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
