He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
