but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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