I am in a vortex of obligation.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
