No awkward lesbian experiences without me
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
