She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
