How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
