This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wish I only lived at night.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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