Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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