That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
