the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
