Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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