watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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