Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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