Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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