Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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