Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
