Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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