So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
