Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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