I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
