Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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