you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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