I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
