i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
