Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
