GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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