The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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