i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
