I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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