She is in my trunk
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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