I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
