I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
