He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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