Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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