I wish you could order shots online.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
