i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize