Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
