My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
