I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
