u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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