i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
