I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
do herpes really smell.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
