theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
