I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize