I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
