mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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