true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
