you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
