Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
