16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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