I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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