he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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