Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
