Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
