Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
