Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize