My first STD was from a foam party
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
