he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
