My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
