I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize