he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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