I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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