apparently the secret to your success is patron
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
