He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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